Going out Solo
So far I've been in the community for under a week, but excitingly enough I've already been asked for advice by PM on the attraction forums:
Q. What exactly did it take for you to just go out on your own and sarge? Did you have to prepare yourself in any way?
Going out alone is scary enough anywhere - but especially so in London. As I've said previously, there's a misconception about the Brits, people think we are cold and offish, aloof even. This is not true towards our friends and people we know, but it's spot on towards strangers. Building rapport with strangers in Britain is hard, hard, hard. We are slow to warm to people, are far too polite and are quite reserved.
Despite this the thing that drove me to conquor my fear of going out alone here was desire. Pure and simple desire to become an excellent PUA - and like with anything we want to improve we simply have to start, and then go out and keep doing it until we become good. The reason I was able to go out was simply because my desire to become good outweighed my fear of social rejection.
It also helped that I number closed HB8 on the tube on the way into town - that was and adrenaline fueled shot of confidence boost. But you don't need that. In fact, until that point I had determined to break the process down.
Throughout life, outside of 'game' situations, I've always found that the more I reheare something, the worse I come off. Some people are great at visualising situations and then acting them out - me, I have to simply go for it, and hope that my knowledge of what i'm talking about, my wit, humour, interesting banter and sharp mind will hold me through. The nice thing is that I used to be crap at all of the above, these skills have taken time and effort to aquire.
Perhaps why I'm not finding this as hard as I thought - I've developped a lot of social skill since I was badly bullied at school aged 12. One day I'll face my deamons, psycho-analyse myself and post about it. The past is still sore, but I know I learnt lessons from having a shit time growing up - I hope I can share these and that they will help.
The point I'm trying to make though is this. Confidence is a skill, not a talent. You can learn confidence. The more you use it the better it becomes.
And in order to go out? Simply work out which is greater... your desire to succeed, or your fear of rejection. If you've answered the latter then you need to work out how to tip the scales.
- B
(p.s.) This thread has sparked the seed of two future posts. Coming soon on The Bandit Blog:
Despite this the thing that drove me to conquor my fear of going out alone here was desire. Pure and simple desire to become an excellent PUA - and like with anything we want to improve we simply have to start, and then go out and keep doing it until we become good. The reason I was able to go out was simply because my desire to become good outweighed my fear of social rejection.
It also helped that I number closed HB8 on the tube on the way into town - that was and adrenaline fueled shot of confidence boost. But you don't need that. In fact, until that point I had determined to break the process down.
- Get dressed up. I made myself look as good as I could.
- Work out where to go. Pick a place - where doesn't matter. Just choose.
- Get on the bus/train/car or walk down the road.
- Enter the venue.
- Get a beer.
- Relax. Take a deep breath. Remember that you've come all this way, and you might as well try and open a set and then go for it.
Throughout life, outside of 'game' situations, I've always found that the more I reheare something, the worse I come off. Some people are great at visualising situations and then acting them out - me, I have to simply go for it, and hope that my knowledge of what i'm talking about, my wit, humour, interesting banter and sharp mind will hold me through. The nice thing is that I used to be crap at all of the above, these skills have taken time and effort to aquire.
Perhaps why I'm not finding this as hard as I thought - I've developped a lot of social skill since I was badly bullied at school aged 12. One day I'll face my deamons, psycho-analyse myself and post about it. The past is still sore, but I know I learnt lessons from having a shit time growing up - I hope I can share these and that they will help.
The point I'm trying to make though is this. Confidence is a skill, not a talent. You can learn confidence. The more you use it the better it becomes.
And in order to go out? Simply work out which is greater... your desire to succeed, or your fear of rejection. If you've answered the latter then you need to work out how to tip the scales.
- B
(p.s.) This thread has sparked the seed of two future posts. Coming soon on The Bandit Blog:
- Tipping the scales - making your desire to succeed outweigh your fear.
- A look at my origins - going from the most unpopular guy at school, to kiss closing a HB9 in four months.
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