Pride

I think I have a problem with pride. Despite all this material I'm reading and all the knowledge I'm accumulating there is a voice at the back of my head telling me that I don't need this stuff. I think a part of me perceives myself as being able to go out and do all this stuff already, without needing to learn it. Really, honestly?

I had a bit of luck pulling a HB9 in a ONS once - but she was emotionally unstable and I think she wanted revenge on her open-relationship boyfriend. Other than that I've attracted a few girls, and ended up in 3 LTR's - the longest of which lasted 3 years. I've had sex hundreds of times - good sex at that. One of my LTR's swore I gave her 23 orgasms in an evening (people may read this and laugh, but hey, she said it). I've had sex in awesome places - in castles, country estates, by a log fire in a french cottage, in a forest, on a Florida beach, twice, in an auction hall....

But I think I am seriously just massively proud of myself and unable to get past this on some level. This leads me to not treating material seriously, or not making a real effort to push myself forwards. I need to demolish my pride. A wise man once said, "It is only when we accept that we know nothing, that we really start to learn anything".

I want to accept I know nothing.

Otherwise - still sick as a dog. Slept 14 hours today. I have a doctors appointment first thing tomorrow, which is a good move I reckon - I have now been ill for a week. I'm really pissed off - tomorrow will likely be my first day off work ill since 2004. And then it was only because I caught something in the jungles of Colombia.

-B