Field Report - PsychoGirl

I'm writing this after about an hour's sleep. I'm drunk - in fact I don't think I've actually stopped drinking in the last 18 hours. But those 18 hours have been awesome. This is the story...

Last night I get invited to go out with my mate Gold and his girlfriend, we'll call her ClumsyChick. I turn up at ClumsyChick's place around 8 o'clock for some takeaway Chinese food and what do I see as I walk into the living room... HB 8.5, blonde, 5'10. She will be called PhyschoGirl, for reasons that'll become apparent later on in the evening.

PsychoGirl has a dilema.

PsychoGirl: I'm supposed to be going on a date in 10 minutes, but I don't want to go. I said yes to it last night when I was drunk... but I'm worried that he's really short.
EveryoneElse: Eh?
PsychoGirl: Well, I think he might be short - I don't know. But anyway, I need an excuse not to go out.
Bandit: Easy. Tell him the truth - that you don't want to see him, or whatever excuse you give him will simply mean he'll keep chasing you tomorrow, and the next day and the next day.
PsychoGirl: No, I can't tell him that. It's too harsh.
(some suggestions of excuses)
Bandit: Hah, tell him you've just found out you're pregnant.

Now, I said this as a joke, in order to get a laugh - which it did. But then she suddenly thinks it's a great idea and texts that to him. He obviously sees straight through her crap and tells her he's angry that he's being blown out after driving for an hour to see her. She starts feeling guilty.

Now, this dude, whoever the fuck he is deserves an apology from me. By this point I've decided that PsychoGirl is my primary target for the evening, and so I proceed to completely demolish this guy. It works, brilliantly. I completely AMOG'd him. It was awesome.

She starts giving me IOI's, and then a couple of shit tests which I fly through without problem. I throw out some hoops and she jumps through. As we leave the flat I tell Gold, "It's on".

We go into Central, and hit a shitty joint before going into Soho. Soho I know well enough, and having had a damn good previous night out starting at Bar Soho (see Solo Night Out #2) I decide we're going there. We go in, and after getting some drinks Gold and I start opening sets. I'm shocked how awesome it is having a good wingman - Gold was superb. I'll skim over the next few hours, but here's a few highlights, before I get back to the main story:

Indian Girl Set

(open, banter, things are going well - I'm hitting on IndianHottieGirl and Gold is holding off cockblocking PudgyGirl for me).
Pudgy: So what do you guys do for a living?
Gold: We run a modelling agency.
Pudgy (walks up to me with shock on her face): Oh my god, you're that Calvin Klein model.
Bandit: Ah, well erm, yeah. But keep it quiet yeah - I get this a lot and we're just out with some friends and trying to have a chilled evening.
Pudgy: Oh my god it is you.
Bandit: Yeah. Well look, me and Gold are going to grab a drink, but we'll come back and chat you to girls later on. Just keep things chilled yeah, cos I hate the attention when I'm not working.

We walk off to the bar, giggling like school girls. Me, mistaken for a model? Awesome. Rediculous, but awesome (I'm seriously quite average looking - but it's awesome what the right combination of Peacocking and being Alpha can achieve).

Drunk Girl

I was chatting with PsychoGirl and I see a blonde standing against a wall giving eyeing me up. Hmm, the idea of a jealousy plotline springs to me. I glance back at the blonde. She smiles at me. Ok - 3 second rule. I tell PyschoGirl I'll be right back. I approach, heart beating like a crack addict waking up and realising he's in rehab. I fumble through an opening, and then realise she is completely and utterly drunk. I spend five minutes with her, get some moderate kino going, thentell her she's too drunk and walk off. My gambit worked - I get back and PsychoGirl is all over me.

Later on - being the cocky idiot I am - I go back to DrunkGirl. I approach her and stroke her all the way up her spine. She spills her drink all over herself. Smooth.

Bandit: Hey
DrunkGirl: Hey
Bandit: Look. Give me your number and when you're less drunk we'll get together and go out for a drink. Or maybe a coffee, seeing as you're a raging alcoholic.
DrunkGirl: I can't. My boyfriend is standing next to us.
Bandit: Ah, fuck him. (I start telling her the story about the two people who meet in the street, and the instantly fall for each other, but decide they'll leave it to fate and that if it's meant to be they'll meet again at random, when suddenly)
DrunkGirl'sBoyFriend: WHAT THE FUCK?!

I look up, and this big motherfucker is towering down over us, clearly pissed off that I've got my arm around his bird. Ah well. I tell him fair enough, and walk away. Poor DrunkGirl gets shouted at for a while.

DanishGirls

This is a pretty minor one, but I number closed HB9 in a set of Danish girls in under two minutes. Today I text her, and she text back. Again Gold went down the "we own a modelling agency" route - they loved it. Anyway, I've tried the "Maybe we should go for a drink" line, so let's see what happens. (edit - in the time it's taken to write this she's texted back and apparently she can't because she's "seeing someone". I'll have to put an end to that. To be concluded...).



Back to the story. At about 1am, Gold and ClumsyChick head on back home, leaving me with PsychoGirl. I instantly start escalating and I know it's on. We stay until closing time, during which time I ran an awesome "We're getting married" role play thing - including me shouting to everyone to be quiet and then proposing to her in front of the entire club. She loved it. Too much. The Psycho part of PsychoGirl's name starts to emerge as she then becomes hooked on this theme and starts outlining every single detail of our wedding. For hours. I play along, because hey, why not. I bounce us to another club, and then on home back to hers.

I had the most dominant frame I've ever had. PsychoGirl is an only child and tells me she always gets her own way. Not with me she doesn't. I pass shit test after shit test and refuse every single hoop she throws at me. She jumps into a ton of mine. I keep my awesome strong frame. At points she get's shitty, and I walk away - she follows. This stuff is so counter-intuitive for me at times, but I stuck with it and it worked wonders. The old AFC me could never have done this.

Anyway, we're waiting for the bus and not one but two people try and AMOG me. I destroy them. I show them a side of myself that makes them redefine their understanding of the concept Alpha Male. It was awesome. PsychoGirl loves it. On the bus I carry on. PsychoGirl brings up our wedding again and I start getting the entire bus to contribute ideas (and it's a bendy bus, fucking huge and packed). When we got off I told everyone to wish us a happy wedding and took a bow. People clap and cheer. I've never seen anything like this in London.

We start walking home and I get my final shit test. This one almost beats me, and earns PsychoGirl her name good and proper. If you've read this far then this is the highlight, as it's fucked up beyond anything I've experienced before. Ever.

PsychoGirl: Hey, did I tell you my funny story about my ex's penis.
Bandit: What the fuck?
PsychoGirl: Yeah, well I have this weird thing with my jaw, where when someone touches the wrong part of it my jaw clamps down. Well, with my ex, I was giving him a blow job and he touched that part and I just clamped down. Hard. (she makes a clamping motion with her jaw). There was blood everywhere. He had to have 8 stitches. It was so funny, I couldn't stop laughing. I mean I know it wasn't funny, but it was so funny.
Bandit: ...

I'll tell you what - it was hard fucking work getting it up with that story in the back of my mind. Fortunately I have a thing for psychotic girls - so I was able to see past it. We fucked till dawn. I fell asleep for about an hour, then she woke me up for more.

Nothing short of awesome.

However - she is a psycho. I think my best bet is to cut and run. Sure I'll call her, and sure she's gorgeous - but the thought of eight teeth shaped stitches in my cock means that now the moment is over I am never going back there again.


On a final note, I am now legally engaged to her. Thank fuck we weren't in Vegas.