LR - HiredGun HB9

I always used to think I wasn't the kind of bloke who could end up going to an event, and then pick-up and seduce one of the stunning Hired Guns they have there. Previously I would have been right - no girls get approached more than hired guns, they've seen every trick several times over and have had more males salavating over them than an alsations dinner bowl. I'd tried in the past, of course, to flirt with them and interest them - and like every other shmuck out there I'd been given the standard "Ok, I'm flirting with you because I'm paid to be here - not because I like you" in return.

No more.

Wednesday of last week I went to a trade show. It's a pretty big show, and I know it's going to be a good day out (and nice to get out of the office for a change). Sure, in the back of my mind I know there will be girls there - but that's neither why I'm going nor the kind of person I expect to meet when I'm there (yes - of course some people in my industry are fit - quite a few actually - but my point is that I'm not out on the prowl).

I arrive to find a bunch of chain-smoking, bored-looking exectives loitering outside with a cigarette in one hand, yelling to some poor PA down their iPhone's in the other. I walk inside and past the desk and spot a gorgeous blonde - she's 5'8, skinny as anything, blonde and with a good set of tits. A real HB9, for sure. In any case, she's in front of me as I wonder inside, handing out 'goodie' bags full of pointless brochures about pointless products that no-one will ever read. None-the-less I walk towards her to pick mine up.

Bandit: "Is this bag just full of crap?"
HiredGun: "I dunno - maybe"
Bandit: "Alright, I'll risk it" (take it from her)
Bandit: "Where's the cloackroom?"
HiredGun: "Erm, it's over there towards than hanger-like building, but you'll have to pay £2"
Bandit: "Ah, that's what you think - but I have one of these"
HiredGun: "Oooh, a VIP pass.... what is it you do"

And we start bantering a bit - i forget what about. I tease her a bit and then go to leave. I tell her I'll find her later.

A while later I find her in the VIP area. I meet her sister, and the three of us banter for a bit before I leave.

Later on, on my way out - I see HiredGun for the third time, chatting to some people in a booth.

Bandit: "Are you stalking me?"
HiredGun: "No, shut up"
Bandit: "If you're waiting for me outside my house when I get home I'm not going to be impressed"

I banter with her a bit more and tell her I'll be back over the next couple of days.

On the way back from the show I remember thinking a Wayne's World line: "She will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine". I vow to find her again when I go back. All other thoughts are secondary - and I don't remember finding anything else at that trade fair genuinely interesting. Despite this I decide I'm going back, and will think up a good pretense in order to get out of work (fortunately I find one - my VIP pass gives me free access to seminars).


Friday

I return. I'm not there long before I run into the sister, and a masseuse I got chatting with on the Wednesday. Whilst I am having the most awesome massage (another perk of my VIP pass), HiredGun comes intot he VIP booth. She's excited to see me. We get chatting. She lives in the same area I've just moved to.

HiredGun: "It must be fate".

Oh yeah - there's a line I can run with, followed with:

"It's really cool to meet local people, give me your numbers, we should all go out with my house mates some time"

She invites me to go for coffee with her and her sister on their break, and then as we're walking out of the door she suddenly decides to bring some bloke along who she'd met previously. What's this I think, is she playing me along, is she playing us off against each other. To be fair the guy was good competition - 6ft7 motherfucker with the surfer look and from the states. Anyway, I decide that there's only room for one Alpha Male in our group - and frame things that way. I get chatting to dude2 and he turns out to be a very decent bloke - I get his card as I think there's some work I can throw his way.

The show ends and I run into the girls again - they're getting the bus home the same way as me. I was toying with the idea of heading back to work to pick up some stuff first, but it's a good opportunity so I think fuck it - and we all get the bus together. I get some great cocky-funny stuff going on the bus (although it was hard to get a word in edgeways, those two could have talked for England).

HiredGun tells me she's free Sunday/Monday and I tell her I'll call her. Result.

(As an aside I go out later in that evening and number close twice more. Triple result ;)).


Monday

We've arranged to meet at a local bar, and I tell her that I'll call her when I leave work to let her know when to meet me. She's impatient though, and gets there early (before I've left work), so we compromise that I'll meet her there before I take my stuff back to mine. This again suits me fine - I get to show her my awesome new place and she'll therefore be far more comfortable with the idea of coming back to mine later.

I arrive at the bar. I walk in and see her - my head does a crazy movie-style crash zoom thing as I see this vision of absolute stunningness sitting across the bar. Out of her work-gear and into evening wear and she looks utterly hot. I buy a round and launch into being cocky-funny and avoid asking her the same old shitty pointless questions I used to ask girls. I instantly start kino-escalating and I'm soon getting IOI's from her. We finish our drinks and head back to mine.

At my place I give her the guided tour. She loves it (to be fair - it's an amazing house). I take her to my room briefly and then sort my crap out and we leave. As we walk down the road I put my arm around her. She puts hers around me. This is good kino escalation.

Onto the next bar and we go to this chic place with some pretty atmospheric lighting. This is where the first 'test' comes up. We walk in and choose a table and put our things down. I stop talking and wait for her to offer me a drink. She doesn't, but instead says "Let's go get a drink". We walk to the bar. Again, I wait. She waits. I wait. Then she comes out with:

"I'm going to have a gin and tonic, is that alright?"
"Sure, it's your round"
"Oh, I don't have any money on me"
"Well that's silly isn't it"
"Maybe they'll take card"

She asks the barman, and he says yes if it's over £10. Two drinks isn't quite that much.

"Alright", I tell her, "I'll get this one and you can get the next one once we've been to a cash point".

This is so critical a point in the interaction I'm going to go over it again. So many blokes (myself included, not so long ago), would have simply offered a drink rather can go through the awkward silence at the bar. The fact that she was not only prepared to accept this - but planned this to the point where she brought no cash with her - only serves to illustrate my point that girls can consistantly get blokes to pay for everything. It's therefore crucial to make this clear very early on. The message is: "We are equals. If I buy a drink - you buy the next one." Now the great thing about this is that girls know it's cheeky to get guys to pay for everything, so if you call them on it they can only ever back down - it's simply rude if they insist on paying for nothing. On top of that you've shown you're assertive and you've framed the rest of the evening/future dates in a way that won't piss off your bank manager.

After this though, for a reason I haven't yet worked out, she get's a bit offish. She starts talking about other blokes, and acting more interested in the menu than me. Another test? Yeah, quite likely perhaps - though maybe she was just pissed off that I'm not the kind of guy she can take for a ride. So, anyway, she's being offish. I tell her we're going outside for a cigarette. And then suddenly the moodiness vanishes and she's fine again. Odd. So there's something new - if you're on a date and she gets moody: bounce to a different venue.

I decide we're going to go and get a drink somewhere else (via a cashpoint, of course), and we end up doing a full circle of the high-street before ending up back at the first bar. By now I'm now holding her hand as if we've been going out for months. So we arrive back at the first place - it's noisy, but alright. She suggests we get a jug of cocktail, which she pays for. Ah. Good shit. So we banter away for another hour or so. We're getting a bit tipsy by now, and the conversation is just a mix of her madness and my witty banter, which I'll spare you from apart from where necessary. At some point she decides to put on some more lip gloss.

HiredGun: "Do you want some?"
Bandit: "Haha, you must be joking"
HiredGun: "Are you sure?"
Bandit: "The only way you'll get that shit on me is if you kiss me".

I go in for the kiss, but I get rejected. I can't work this out. Everything is going smoothly. I've kino escalated and she's comfortable with me touching her. She's laughing at my jokes. But there's resistance. Damn. I excuse myself and go to the loo. Time to regroup and work this shit out. I give myself a prep-talk and, despite feeling like a cock for doing it, I tell myself "It's on. She's into me and I'm going to kiss her".

I come back upstairs and check a text message. She comments on my phone. I have a flash of inspiration.

Bandit: "It's a camera too".
Her: "Oh cool"
Bandit: "Yeah, let me switch it on. Ok. Come here, let's see what we'd look like as a happy couple. Smile into the camera".
Bandit: "Good. Nice photo. Ok, now show me your angry scowling face".
Bandit: "Excellent. Alright, I wonder what we would look like if we kissed".

It worked so well it might as well have been a magic spell. It's devestatingly effective. I mean, I read about it before in The Game, and I thought it was cool - but could it actually work? Well, the answer is yes. She loved it. And my god was she into the kissing after that. From there it was a simple matter of keeping the energy high and the kissing good until we got chucked out at closing time.

We start walking. I don't tell her we're going back to mine (again, a mistake I would have made in the past). I simply start us walking on the road back to mine, and then tell her we're going to pick up some more booze and ciggies on the way. No resistance at all.

Back at mine we go straight up to my room. She wants to roll a joint. Sure, why not. Now, I do want to make one thing straight here. I don't do drugs. I used to smoke weed, a lot, and I've tried coke once. Now, I occasionally smoke a bit of pot if it happens to be there. Again, this is a point where the old me would have probably gone along with anything. The new me thought: hmm, ok, well, I quite like pot and it's been a while. Why not, it'll be fun. And now that it's my place I can smoke wherever I want. So she rolled one up. My brother came in and joined in the joint-smoking and we got her laughing at our banter.

A joint or two later, she starts trying to undress me so I kick my brother out. She's all over me and things start heating up. But then after about five minutes of escalating hotness she just stops and starts talking crap. Odd. Ok. Whatever. Start again. This carried on THE WHOLE FUCKING EVENING. It was absurd. Things would get hot and frisky, and then she'd hit the 'off' button. When she was on, she was definately on. She's the most aggressive girl I've ever met. She bit me. She scratched her nails down my chest and back (I look like I've been in a fight with a tiger as I write this), and even slapped me. Hard. Only once though, as after she did that I picked her up and threw her onto the bed, pinning her down beneath me.

Anyway, I digress. For whatever reason she kept interrupting 'the moment'. Did I make a mistake? Perhaps.... perhaps I should have given her the cold shoulder once she started wrecking 'the moment'. In future, I'll try it. Anyway, this carries on for what felt like hours. Eventually, I decide to take her panties off, whilst the heat is on and she tells me "You can't see down there until after my waxing appointment tomorrow".

Fuck it. I fall asleep. Or at least I try... Instead I'm frustrated as a bastard and I'm plagued with self doubt. What the fuck just happened... this isn't normal. And then an internal monologue where the deamons in my head fought out the detail of why I hadn't had sex: half blaming me and calling me all variety of names, half blaming her... a very small number of voices trying to soothe me, calm me down, and tell me that "it doesn't matter". Of course, it didn't matter. Nonetheless I can hear the birds starting to sing as I finally drift off to sleep.


Tuesday

Morning. I awake with a raging hard-on. My shit feels like it's going to explode. Despite the fact it's far to early to be considered civilised I wake her up and start trying to get things on. She's into it - but not as much as I'd like. But then she goes down on me, which was simply awesome. You know that theory that girls with tongue studs give better head? The theory is good.

Later on in the day she texts me "I know this sounds a bit clingy, but what are you up to this evening?"

Now I know it's on. It was awesome. She comes round with a dvd, some wine and some weed (see how my framing us as equals yesterday meant she had no problem bringing round some wine today instead of insisting I provide it).

A bit of smoke, mind-blowingly-awesome sex, more smoke, giggling fit for about half an hour, a good film, and I fell asleep curled up with the hottest women I've ever had. Once again I had some LMR, but this time I defused it nicely. As I went in to take off her panties:

"All you want to do is take my panties off an fuck me, don't you" (said in an accusatory way, in the kind of 'all you want me for is sex' type way).
"Yes. I am going to take your panties off, and then I am going to fuck you".

And it was epic. Best sex I've ever had.

-B